My Wheel Of Fortune
Throughout my 22 years I have discovered, and come to accept, the ebbs and flows of life. My charmed white suburban life, as I realized quickly after I left home for college, was overtly sheltered. While moving out, travel, and experiences have helped me peer into the seeping truths between the cracks; I still remain the furthest from an expert. No amount of life will prepare you for rejection, loss, and heartbreak. How was I to expect the loss of a 3-month-old cousin, the sudden death of a grandfather (found sprawled on his living room floor by my aunt, no less), the passing of an alcoholic uncle, a stroke of another grandpa leaving him unable to say more than ‘yes’ and ‘no’, and the death of yet another uncle all within a years time?
My college years were certainly my time of self-realization: I had never drank, kissed a boy, or sworn (on purpose, at least). You could say I was a ‘goodie two-shoes’. This time remains a span of 4 years of grave loss not only in the form of perishing loved ones, but also my first heartbreak, and graduating in a pandemic which was piggy-backed with the loss of my dream job. Don’t get me wrong, the good in my life has certainly outweighed the bad, which is why you’ll almost always see a smile on my face. Although this may be the case, the bad that seemed to endlessly settle low like fog on a spring morning with a pink sun over the horizon, is what shaped me into a more empathetic, compassionate, and caring individual.
Yesterday, as I sat at my desk in my parents guest bedroom, which has been turned into my bedroom since moving in back in August, I thought about these highs and lows. I have been feeling very low recently, possibly seasonal depression or just the fact that I am not in the place in life where I had imagined myself, but then again, who is these days? As the somewhat spiritual person I am, I decided to pull a tarot card to see what the universe, paired with my energy, have in store for me.
The card I pulled was the upright Wheel of Fortune.
This card represents good luck, karma, and a turning point. It felt like a warm hug on a frigid winters day from the universe.
This card also surfaced the term I had at the tip of my tongue, but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. My Wheel Of Fortune. All this time it has been spinning, for lack of a better term: the tables were turning. Constantly. They have never, and will never, stop. The term ‘fortune’ inserts an image in my mind of an old woman, clad in a loose eggplant-purple velvet dress, sitting on the other side of a small round table with a crystal ball between us. I have most certainly never genuinely been in this situation, but I envision myself there, talking to her and hoping she can settle my fear of the unknown: My future.
